One Way or Another, We All Fail

Seeing one’s flaws in life, can sometimes be either a realisation that maybe you’ve never seen them like that before. Or maybe sometimes it can be a good smack in the face, fall down on your bum fail that you have to learn to pick yourself up and learn from what’s you have just

Recently I have become fascinated by informative podcasts that are readily available on Spotify. Particularly that from the works of Elizabeth Day who as a writer, journalist and novelist who has come into light with her recent book “How To Fail” talking about her personal failures in life. Under such topics as: Work, Tests, Twenties etc. I found that the “How to Fail in your Twenties” chapter really spoke to me and it seemed really relevant in how I am feeling at this particular stage in my life.

From reading this, I found out that she has a podcast of the same name, in which she interviews well knows actors, journalists, singers even that of a Monk. Hearing their emotions on stories that we never would connect them to, really opens up how you start to perceive them as a ‘normal’ individual, just as ourselves, and they too have had their struggles in life.

Sometimes being able to switch off the outside world and just listen to an intimate interview between two people can be an eye-opening experience. If you just close your eyes and just to listen, it seems like they are in the room with you. Maybe by just listening, you may even see some similarities in you can feel a personal connection. Having just finished listening to Vicky McClure’s interview, when she was talking about her education and about her feelings about the concept of social media. Her experiences and views really resonate with me personally.

It’s sort of got me thinking: What do I see as failures in my life?

For one, I’m putting my education out there. Growing up I was a very slow learner. Being in and out of hospital as a young child, I often missed out on some important educational milestones. It wasn’t my fault that I failed on my exams. If you asked my mom, she’d say that I did try with great difficulty, but with the brain damage I had suffered due to past trauma, the information just wouldn’t go in and stay in. You could say I have a brain like a fish. And so I really didn’t get the grades that I thought I could’ve achieved. It just meant that I needed to retake my English which I passed finally and eventually my Maths which I failed miserably.

Second I would have to say friendships would be a big one. From a young age I haven’t been able to integrate myself within a specific social friendship circle. I had often tagged along with people who really didn’t realise I was with them to begin with. It has continued long into my adulthood and I think because of this lack of social interaction within social situations, I haven’t been able to develop the art of banter and so certain situations make people seem uncomfortable. It’s just never been my forte to be able to converse and become part of social situations, even though I may seem like I can.

Thank you to the 3 years of Performing Arts I did at college!!

There are many other failures that I could go into, but I feel that that they’re a bit more personal to me as and who I am. I guess my confidence won’t let me go that far. But I’m glad really as it shows I have gained the skill of restraint, that maybe years ago, could’ve become the main reason to why I am the person I am today.

To conclude this blog, all I’m going to say is that we all have our failures in life, including people in the limelight, but we have to get up from these situations, dust ourselves off and move on. We can all gain success from failure, we just have to find it.

The Procrastinator

I’ve never heard this word until recently. Didn’t even know it existed to be honest.

Its was only during a recent training session. I just had to lookup what it meant when I got home. Two people said the word and I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, it went straight over my head as usual. It was yet another visit to the Google helpline when I’d recovered. If I could remember the word.

Procrastinate:

To delay or postpone an action: put off doing something”

Ah now I see! Find it funny to be honest as I’ve never imagined a word that summed me up that well. My mom probably thinks the same! “

The realisation that from taking that one sip of water that I needed to hydrate, doing some unnecessary lunges, was my way of delaying the inevitable pain of my next leg exercise. I just couldn’t stall it anymore unless I just left my things and did a runner. Here we go, bring on the pain!!

Looking back through life, I realise that there are numerous examples of times where I have put things off right to the last minute. When even the most important tasks that should’ve been done a few weeks back, are completed right on the last day because I have been so “busy” catching up with something on Netflix, or going out for some me time after a busy week at work/ gym. You need some rest sometime right? to be able to enjoy life and enjoy yourself away from this busy world we live in.

As a highly skilled procrastinator, I have the ability to be able to put numerous things off until the last minute. I find it funny really that I am so laid back with life when everybody is rushing around doing so many jobs at once to the point that their head might explode.

I am really not a regular woman in that I am not a multi tasker, and I really don’t have the ability to be able to think of more than two things at one time. I definitely should’ve been a boy to be honest. Mind you I do act a bit backwards sometimes, especially when I’m at the gym or I’m at work.

Being a procrastinator, is definitely the way the rest of my life is going to be, as being two years off 30 I’m really not going to change my ways now. So sorry everyone who thinks that it’s something that can happen overnight, it really doesn’t. I can learn from my mistakes and make life better for myself, but the protagonist in me will never leave.


Sunday’s Thought: Is Going Back to a Simpler Life better for us all?

During a conversation, well more like a discussion with my mom and her long-time friend this morning, we touched up on the topic about how going back to a more simple and basic life may be better for everyone in the long run.

As the years have gone by, we have succumbed to the power of technology, new avenues, and options there are for us all to take these days, that really aren’t for the better. Options that may be destroying us all as a race and also to our planet. With the constant prices of plastic bags going up in shops, and the constant use of plastic packaging for fruits, veg and ready meals, and the amount of pollution in the air from greenhouse gasses, I can clearly see why the Earth is literally suffocating.

Reading an article online on The Guardians website, it describes the fact that within the last 25 years, we as a human race, have destroyed a tenth of the worlds wilderness to make way for a “brighter” future. We need the help of your rainforests and wilderness to help our eco system function, without it then I’m sorry to say, we are doomed. World leaders are more concerned at how to grow their economy and how to create bigger populations than thinking about the consequences of their actions. And its only now that research on the worlds oceans do they see the bigger picture.

Circling back to this mornings conversation, we talked about the possibility of a total power cut to everywhere in the world. What would happen then? Would this then mean that we would have to be forced to think about how we would be able to survive? How would we cope without technology, electricity etc?

To be honest I think when it comes to that stage, the world will be a big flame of gas, and well, it would be too late anyway.

There was a power cut to our neighbourhood and even though it was a shock and an inconvenience to us all obviously, it really brought me and my mom together in terms of being able to have a proper conversation without something interrupting us, i.e. the television, internet, phone etc. We were enjoying the flow and listening to what each other had to say, that when the electricity was back on, we automatically turned the lights off again and carried on with the conversation.

It seems to me that because we are all so used to all these facilities being readily available to us, that we all think that it will make our lives better in the long run. Really look at how it is affecting family and friends relationships. Is there actual laughter? Is there conversation? Are we actually bonding together? Or is it all done on our phones, tablets etc?

Times are precious and we are wasting too much of it not spending time with the people who mean the most to us. we are more concerned about how many followers, likes and views e are getting on our profiles than watching family slowly growing older, and then before you know it the older generation have gone, and you wonder why you hadn’t listened more to them.

Online Dating: Tried, Tested, Failed.

Never having much luck on the dating scene. But then again, I’ve probably not had as much experience as many others I know. I’m sure there are many individuals that have tried online dating, and quite possibly been able to find that one special person to spend the rest of their lives with. And They All Live Happily Ever After!!

Yeah Right!!

To tell you the truth, I can be quite secretive about my love life. Possibly because I’m not that experienced with it, or because I’m not as confident as some people perceive me as. Could be both, but it could be something else. Perhaps I should Google it?

“Hey Google, Why can’t I find someone to love?”

“Sorry unable to find what you’re looking for”

That settles it, I’m just going to be a crazy cat lady. I knew it!!

No but on a serious note, what does it really take to be good at this online dating? What makes a successful candidate? Probably not one to ask Google as we are all very different people and have our own little ways. But its’s not all about swiping right, right?

So, what is it about me that’s not ‘relationship worthy’? Joining a dating app I had hope that this time was going to be it. Entering in my interests etc, not putting anything too revealing, it all came down to the all important picture. Ugh, suppose the most recent one should do. And submit!! let’s see shall we?!

To me, being in this predicament again, makes me think that I’m just not trying hard enough. I’m probably not and I’m just wait for someone else to make the first move. being a few years out of practice doesn’t help either. plus well, I really don’t have that much experience, especially in the position I’m in now.

Having tried, tested, failed, tried, tested and failed again, I don’t hold much hope. but lets see shall we. It’ll probably happen all of a sudden, out of the blue when I least expect it. but until then, I just feel like the person in Calum Scott’s song called “Dancing On My Own”.

A Course for the Mind

Ok so I’m going to start this blog off with a quote from a famous author and activist, Helen Keller:

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved

Reading this quote today has made me think of how life can have so many ups and downs in the past, and yet you trudge on as if nothing has happened. But don’t so many of us? You have the scars, but you choose to hide them with a face of happiness, joy, love and laughter. And even though sometimes it might come back and bite us in the bum, you push on with living like nothing ever happened.

Recently I have embarked on a course that I feel is going to truly be my saving grace. Focusing on different aspects of life that you feel can’t see any hope of fixing. It’s truly eye opening to actually see what is causing me so much stress on the inside. Working through the various stages, answering who, what and why they are causing these feelings, creates such a big picture as to who I am right now as a person.

For anyone who knows me, knows I’m not much of a talker, so therefore I continue to bottle up all my feelings and emotions from everyone else. And therefore, it creates a different person to who I’m truly supposed to be. It’s like deciding which kind of person you’re going to be by flipping a coin to find out who you’re going to be that day and revealing the opposite side.

But by being able to differentiate between feelings of physical, behavioural, mental and emotional, has opened my eyes as to what the situations I’m going though actually fall into. As everything on the program is all confidential, I won’t reveal anything that I have written, but I hope that continuing and being able to complete the whole course, I will finally feel like a new person. And maybe even find the old me and bring her back to the surface again and into the light.

So, circling back to Keller’s quote from the beginning, I realise that yes there are stages of our lives that you have to suffer, but it’s only through experience can we learn from this and create a more positive feeling of achievement and inspiration in life. That’s what I’m hoping to take away from all of this eventually.

Besides there are actually a lot of fun and exciting times that lie ahead of me this year. So, fingers crossed I will finish this course and eventually bounce back to my fun and bubbly side in readiness.

Where’s Eggs?

I know this seems like a weird title for a blog, but then again am weird.

I must tell you this one though. It may surprise you all out there to know that in my 5 years of working as a retail assistant in foods, my most asked questions, is always concerning the whereabouts of eggs.

I have never, however, had it asked towards me in this way.

Just a simple two-word sentence ‘Where’s Eggs?’.

It’s like asking where’s Italy on a map, but you know simply that it’s the country shaped like a boot.

Now either everyone is getting together and making a massive omelette, or people are creating mass amounts of scrambled eggs.

In which case, I certainly explains the countless times I see random people on their own, run or walk swiftly out of the isle just as I come around the corner. Leaving a rancid trail of gasses that hits you like a ton of bricks. What a glamourous job in in aye.

Now I must admit, I too get a bit confused as to where products are kept in a shop. Especially when it’s not something I buy daily. And sometimes I get pretty close to the whereabouts of what I’m looking for.

But why do customers think that eggs are kept in the veg section of a shop? Either they are just too lazy to go and look for them in the first place, or they really are telling the truth that they have been looking for ages – in a small shop – and they really can’t find them. Still, at least it keeps our step trackers going on the shop floor and it gives us something to do I suppose.

Until next time folks!

Mind of a Retail Assistant

They say that mindfulness is living in the here and now.

“would you like a receipt?”

I try to go by that mantra every day. Seems its harder than you think at times, especially in a job like mine.

I close my eyes and what do I see? Hear? Touch? Smell?

“Please wait while we verify your bags”

Oh shit, hold on, BRB

Seems one can’t have a moment to one’s self on self-serve at work.

This is what is constantly going around in my head day in day out at this place. Hi I’m Emma, shan’t tell you my last name as I’m afraid the people around me will come after me with pitchforks. I know we don’t live in those times any more but you never know what someone may be hiding in their closet.

Retail isn’t all that hard when you think of it. Ok you have the Christmas stress of everything and you can’t get any peace from customers coming straight into the shop and straight away asking where someone is. For fuck sake! Are you really that lazy that you can’t be bothered to look?! The carrots are right in front of you!!! But honestly, filling shelves, serving at the tills with a smile that’s put on for all to see, isn’t all that difficult.

Don’t worry not all my blogs will be this boring. Hopefully some will make you want to laugh, cry or maybe give you inspiration for your next blog. I don’t know how these will come across to you, but I’ll give it my best shot.